Kiss Kiss.

hey bloggie.... im sorry for abandoning u for quite some time.... life have been hectic for me 4 quite a while so yah... sorry ya... i juz feel like updating tiday.. don ask y... i think i got some unsettle issues with my ownself that i havent fully have a closure on...

i juz came back from a famili vacation that was literally forced apon me... i mean im ok with it coz it gives me a chance to think all the stuff that has been going thru my mind lately... wat thing, that bloogie i can disclose it here... due to the fact that it might give some ppl wrong idea about the way im handling my problems... so while on the famili timeout, i got a lot of thinking done... some were very hard decision to make while some were juz staring right infront of my face, staring at me to do the right thing... while some of u might think im being to hard on myself, well to me its call tough-love... i need to know some sense in myself and not live in the bubble i created that all seem fine and dandy... its a harsh reality call for me but i have to suck it up n accept it... i might be smilling n joking ard but in reality tat side of me was gone a long time ago... its never coming back.. that i know for sure... yes i admit i might be emotional at times, n i also admit that sometimes ppl just get tired of me being emotional.. its really been quite hard for me trying not to be emotional... i run on my emotional sense... so i tend to be sensitve very easily.... i can tell when ppl are mad at me... i can tell when there's something wrong.... u don have to say in words for me to know coz i can juz sense it... but ppl don read me too well.... i can read ppl quite well but for them to read me is quite difficult... im not like an open book... to read my u have to know me.... sometimes i wish ppl could read me so as i don have to tell them how i feel... they can juz sense that something is wrong... its not like im asking for attention... maybe sometimes i do... but most of the time i juz want ppl to understand how i feel, understand that sometime i do feel what u ppl feel.... i mean i might be happy n bubbly but at the same time sad and depress.... this mix emotions have always been in me for quite sometime... onli a few can detect this emotions... i want to voice out what i feel but sometimes when the logical me takes over i tend to keep it to myself... a qoute i like to say is," i rather suffer in silence than making the ppl ard me suffer..., better me than them...."

*this part is in malay so juz bear with me coz im to tired to translate it into english..*

aku nie bagai pungguk rindukan bulan.... selama nie aku menaggih kasih dari kawan2 ku dan juga abg sedare ku... sesunguhnye aku berterima kasih pada kawan2 ku.... tanpa mereka, aku rase aku nie hilang.... tapi aku tau mereka semue ada hidup sendiri... aku sedar yg mereka sendiri mempunyai haluan masing-masing... aku yg masih belum ada arah tujuan ini tak patut menghalang perjalanan mereka.... di sini aku ingin meminta maaf... kerana selama ini aku rase yg aku nie telah menhalang haluan2 mereka... aku telah membuat keputusan....

selamat tinggal kawan2 ku.... kenangan indah ini akan ku bawa sampai bila2.... aku akan sentiase mengingati kamu semua....

Monday, June 29, 2009

5:46 PM

a case of ups n downs...

hey blog, its been awhile kan before i update... i don know wassup i cant open the new post everytime i wanted to update...(mungkin dier tknk kasi aku update kot....) hahaha... joking jer... watever it is i will try to update as often as possible ok....I PROMISE!!!!

haiya... tis past few weeks i have been having a MAJOR case of ups n downs... ups tk sgt kot... more to down.... entah ar.... i mean i juz guess my life havent been where i wanted it to be... like problems with my mom... mane ngan skola agi... ngan some personal stuff tat i shall not disclose here.... haisss..... having headache more n more lately... the only thing thats keeping me sane is Ferkaisha n Shitness... i mean seriously.. kalau tkder dorang i tink da lame aku masok IMH.... haissssss... entah la eh.... i juz can pray that it phase will pull over soon... i don tink i can handle another nervous breakdown... very tiring seh....

ok now i tink i need to priortise my life....

Aisha Priority List:

Ferkaisha&Shitness
Family
Schoolstuff
Other friends

for the time being this are the pirority in my life.... maybe the rest will come later... i don even wat to think of wanting to find a lifepartner or bf or wat so ever... cam tk pentz gi2 4 the time being... for the present i juz need my frens... not a guy that want to take away my freedom... plus i don tink my heart can handle anymore heartbreak... cukup jer la hatiku ini diranah oleh masa2 lepas...

i serously cant wait for the kl trip... i sooo need to whine down.... see the bigger picture n all.... plus i'll be surrounded by all my loves....(except for menjeng n icik that cannot make it..sadd-ded eh...)

ok then.. i think i will update soon k....

Muachkssss~~~~~!!!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

8:56 PM

it ok... i have accpeed the fact....

hey blog.. hahah... confirm u asking y my title like emo kan... hahaha...saje je...(saje nk dramatic cikit....hehehe....) actually.... ermmm.... tkper ar... i don tink i wanna share wif u juz yet... im juz not ready juz yet....

wat can i say eh... hmmm... havent been feeling like the old me for the past few days... tk tau kenape...(hormones kot...cisss....) yup been kinda emotional lately... feeling down, depressed, dissapointed n sometimes unloved...(the unloved part 2 kadang2 je ar... usually tk...heheh....) tak tau ar kenape... Icik said it might be because of THAT certain someone... but i doubt so... hahaha....(this part fyra confirm ckp mulut ckp lain hati ckp lain...) EH HATI AKU NGAN MULUT AKU SATU TEAM EH SO KALAU SATU KATE BENDE 2 THE OTHER ALSO SAY THE SAME THING.... hehehehe..... chilleks fyra aku saje nk gurauan berkasih ngan kau.... entah ar... very confused tau skrg... i tink i need to find a part-time bf ke fling ke ape for me 2 divert all my emotions kat org 2.. hahaha.. bole gi2... so sape2 nk apply jadi part-time bf atau part time fling aku??? hahaha....

ok random... i think i need to smootch someone....*hmmmmm*thinking* erm.... awak2 kite nk kiss awak leh??? hahahaha............

Sunday, June 14, 2009

9:47 PM

verge of sanity

hey blog... as u know from my title im now on the verge of my sanity.. don't ask y coz i don have the answer for that... i seriously cant answer... i've been feeling down for the past few days... i think it might be the hormones... but entah eh... like i say i cant even answer my own question...

bimbo rite.... well, i think so too... i juz want to fly or travel somewhere where i can glaze at the sea or sky without having so much to think about... i want a place where i can find peace n tranquility.... i juz want drown myself in my thoughts... maybe i can make some sense to some of the thoughts im having...

i need...... hmmm.. i don know what i need... maybe i need shitness... maybe i need ferkaisha... oh maybe i juz need to be alone.... *sigh* i don even know what i need right now... i think i need to clear my mind....

*clearing my mind mode*

k ppl if u wanna find me maybe u can msn me or something.... if not u can always come to my humble hm in bukit indah to find me aite.... tat is if ur not lazy ar...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

8:13 PM

4th april 2009

hahaha... hey blog... how u been???!!! its been a while since i looked at u.. yups2 been like uber bz wif stuff n sch that i didnt had the time to post entries here.... SORRI!!!!!(sungguh ku tak bermaksud nk meninggalkan mu sebegini.....) hehehe.... actually load of stuff happen during this pas few mths.... like the born of FerKaiSha(i tell u more about it later k), the FGS fleamarket, me breaking of with Mr.Teacher n load more... hahaha... i think im gonna start posting back entries here...
ok let me juz story mory u how Ferkaisha came about... its actually a bond between 3 people that i can say uber close eventhough we juz got to known each other for less that 6mths... yepsss.... as the name imply its actually the combination of our 3 names...

the Fer refer to fyra.....

the Kai refers to Khairul/Abg(thats what me n fyra call him)

and last but not least the Sha refers to the most comellest of all(ceh2 cam paham pe aku....) ME!!!

together we made up Ferkaisha....

yups thats us... well we did went thru loads of obsticles. some regarding abg, while some regarding fyra... but eventually we did manage to pull thru... i seriously am NOT ready to lose what we have right now. even when we did go thru dark time, i wasnt willing to let this bond go.. the tears that came out of my eyes to make this work might be worth it... some might say im stupid coz a a young friendship like tat does deserve all my tears n time.. but i disagree... coz they are the ppl i turn to(beside shitness tat is) in times of need... i can always count on them to lend me a shoulder to cry on... i really2 love/sayang them sgt2... hehehe..... on that i would like to post them a special note to them personally...

p/s: its gonna be on malay so if u guys don understand get a malay fren to translate for u coz im too lazy to translate what im gonna say to them aite....

to Abg....

adik nk terima kasih sgt2 kepada takdir kerana kenalkan abg kepada both adik n icik.. we are like totally grateful that u entered our life... tak pernah dlm 22 years adik ader dlm dunia nie adik rase like im being cared on(except by my parents n frens la i mean)... it still baffles me how we could get so close in such a short period of time... eventhough im only the second best to icik*ehem*ehem*, adik tk kisah coz as long as abg is in my life im happy with wat i have.... selame nie the only abg adik ader is the one in KL... tapi skrg adik ader abg here in SG.. tak yah nk tunggu raya aru dapat gurau2 n have that concern person looking out for u.... adik tau yg kadang2 adik nie terlalu bawak2kan emosi adik.. i tend to be over-emotional over small matters but juz so u know im tat kind of person... kalau adik rase adik salah i will apologise if adik emotional sgt.... i hope abg tk kecik hati kalau kadang adik emo2 ngan abg... hahaha... sorry k abg... adik really hope we can stay this close at the long run.. insyallah.... adik love/sayang abg sgt2!!!

to icik(fyra)...

part nie cam ader susah cikit aku nk type sal aku cam nk meleleh je airmata... so ok jap eh... *takes deep breath* ok go.... fyra, i guess u can say we went thru alot together... from our 1st meeting kat 4PM nye training to the first outing kite went out 2gether... yes... i really don get kenape kite leh click n rapat all in the same time as kite nie cam berbeza sgt... aku nie very loud n kecoh kau lak very not so loud but as kecoh as me.. eheheh... maybe its true wat ppl say that opposite do attract... not THAT sense of attract mind u(u can stop smiling fyra.... smack muke aru tau) but atrraction that we have... even when i went thru a kinda dark phase in my life, i was fortunate that i have both u n abg to lighten the day... aku anggap kau cam adik aku sendiri... an adik that irritates me but also loves me as much as i would irritate n loves her.. haha... aku juz harap kite leh kekalkan wat we have right now.... if i were to choose between losing both of u or death, i rather choose death coz for me to lose u is like dying... aku love/syg kau sgt2!!!

i will never 4get the date.... 4th April 2009..... they day we all 1st meet.... im grateful that i was given the oppertunity to befriend both of you....... thanks u guys..... u really complete me.....

*huggs**kisses*

Mischiq/Adik/Akak.......

muachksssss.....!!!!

this song is from me to both of you.... hope abg ngan icik like it.....

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

9:11 AM

no title

i tried my hardest to keep this afloat...

but now im thinking that its not worth my effort...

ur indifference towards this relationship is making me question

if im making the right choice...

if all the effort im putting in are not wasted on a dead end direction...

should i try to make it better...

or should i be like u, indiferrent to the surrounding...

im tired....

tired of trying to please the people around me...

i swear i did try to make it better...

but as days goes by, i feel the drift....

i don't know if u know it....

but im very sure that u feel it.....

how can i carry on in this situation?

you tell me....

p/s:hey guys, im going to be on hiatus for the moment... need some time to collect my thoughts and decide some very difficult decisions... i'll comeout when im mentally prepared.... till then....

xoxo

2:36 AM

lazy....

hey peeps..

its been a while since i posted....

well, i got a lot of stuff to blog about...

like the time when i work for a week in my sch helping the registration for the new batchs of students...

and also the time when i lepaks wif some of the shitness...

or the mentor's training that i went to n made a few new CUTE(nie important) frens...

hahahah..

but im juz too lazy... okok i promise when i m not too lazy i'll get back to blogging... till then...

xoxo
mischiq...

p/s: SOPI WAT HAPPEN TO UR BLOG?? CETE CIKIT KAT AKU.... SEKIAN TERIMA KASIH....